Mom Update.

So have not done a blog in ages. I have done a tone of videos over on YouTube, but not a blog. So here it is.

Well Mom is not in a care home here in town. She is settled in and as happy as she is going to be. She does not seem to want to get to know some of the others there or to go to the activities room. I wish she would go do things; she would have a much better time that way. They did crafts from what I saw yesterday – I could be wrong. I love crafts myself and I know she would enjoy herself if she just got over this need of hers to be alone. It started when Dad died 19 years ago and she never got over it. There are lots of nice people her age in my building and she used to live here as well. She never really got to be friends with any of them. She missed out.

But she is well and I know for a fact she would have been in the hospital again or worse if she was not in the care home. She did not take care of her meds well when she was home. I tried to do it for her but she would not let me. I also tried to get her a pill organizer and she would not have any part of it. She had the habit of doing things she should not be doing as well, like cleaning the place by herself. She knows that a friend of mine would have done it for $15 but there she was doing it.

The staff at the home are great people and seem to care a lot. They do the best job they can and I do think there could stand to be more of them. Then again the same can be said for the hospital as well. I had some complaints about the hospital to say the least in the past, but it has shaped up a lot in my mind. There is still that one lady in charge there on the medical floor that rubs me the wrong way. But then again she saw what I had to say about here.

I heard one person say that the place Mom is in was in bad shape. Well it’s dinged up a bit, but that is going to happen. People run into things with their chairs and carts and so on. It will happen so nothing to complain about there I say. If you paint it all fresh it will be scraped up in no time. The phone lines though are not good. I have to bitch about that here. They are not the right wire and from what I am told the room that had the board in it that all the wires come to is scary LOL. I know an installer and he tells me that it’s a mess in there and could stand to be replaced and modernized. This is not going to happen to say the least. No money for that. So Mom gets a distorted sound now and then and it’s from a bad connection or noise getting into the line. I am sure there is no filtration on the lines there. Oh well, if I hang up and call back it usually goes away.

The people there seem to be nice – the residents that is. Well most of them, there was this one grumpy guy – but you will get that. Lots of smiles to be had there though. I seen this one lady with this plush toy that looks like a sunflower and man she loved that thing. This is so nice to see, people should be happy and most of them seem to be to me. I am sure it is boring though, it has to be. But if it keeps up with the nice weather I am going to push Mom outside for some air.

We went shopping last week and she loved it. She got 3 tops and 2 pants for $58 so not bad there and they look good. I got her some undies the next day as well. I also got her a nice set of ear rings. I ordered her a thing that you can clip on your ears and hang the normal ear rings off of. This will let get have newer styles and so on as she does not have pierced ears.

Well this is long enough so I think I am going to sign off. Besides it’s almost time to go see Mom again. I go almost every day. The thing about being on disability that is good is I can do that. The bad thing is $200 a month for food – sigh. Oh well, I get by well enough. I have cable TV and internet after all. If I could not feed myself well, I would not have cable to say the least.

Oh one last thing. I used my air miles to get a couple of gift cards for Rexall. I got a bunch of stuff and still have $36 on the cards. I got Mom some tooth paste and a new tooth brush, but there were no pins for her there. She wanted pins for her pants that are too big. Some day we will take her shopping again and with luck we can get her more pants and get rid of the bid ones. She needs more tops as well and a blazer, she wants one.

Peace and have a good one – Dave.

March 16, 2012 in Photos...

Broom

No I don't have anything better to do LOL...

Top 5 Places I have had gay sex

Top 5 Places I have had gay sex:

5 Restaurant

4 A Park

3 Hospital

2 Grave Yard

1 Redneck Bar

Neither Hot Nor Cold

So there is this little corner of the local internet I used to hang around in. I pulled my content after it degraded into madness. Posts from people who's heads are not screwed on right and so on... So first I am banned... Oh no! not banned. Then I am un-banned... After not being on for almost a year now I see that I am "being moderated". The moderator standing tall when he speaks of free speech and so on... Think about it. All for free speech when it is in your favor, but like most when it's not in your favor the freedom needs to be limited in their minds. Figure it our people... You stand for something or you don't there is no middle ground. God himself said, "So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth" Revelation 3:16...

Now go forth and stand for free will until you get buthurt, then hold onto the pain and react on it. ?;-)>

Huggles - Dave :)

Health Care Not Healthy...

This is my reaction to my Mother not qualifying for Long Term Care when the experts say she needs it. Also this experience has her on the verge of losing what little money she has. Her apartment needs to be let go of as she has not the money for the care she needs and the apartment. This may make her homeless in the end. She is 80 years old and is dying of lung cancer.

*Note there is no threat intended or desire to harm. This is a statement of fact.

I now know why people show up in government offices with a gun! This is my mothers life your MESSING WITH! She is soon to have no home to come back to. She can't walk 5 feet by herself. She can't speak a coherent sentence. She has stage 4 Lung cancer and you can see how she is failing by the day. There is no possibility for her to come home. She has no money left thanks to all you all who keep saying she does not qualify for long term care. She is at the end of her money and her time. I am at the end of my ability to stay calm and see what happens.

How many people have died too soon because you played these sick ass games with their lives? How many people took their own lives because of your sick ass games? How many families have had to sell their home to try and get their parent the care they needed? How many times do you not see what is being told to you by people far more able to make the right choice? And why do we keep saying we have medical care in Saskatchewan when in fact we have very little of it?

To state a fact, I will tell as many people as I can to stay as far away from Saskatchewan as they can. We have too few doctors. We have long lines for medical help. We have underfunded facilities. We have excellent staff leaving the province in record numbers to get paid what they should be paid here. We have a system that I believe to be predigest to first nations people and the old. We have a system that fails disabled people every day. We have far too many people moving bits of paper from one desk to the next instead of getting the job done. We put nurses in the place of trained professionals to do administration and then say look where is a shortage of nurses.

Now back to the personal level. My 80 year old Mother who has done more for people than any politician has ever done, is waiting to qualify for long term care. She is dying of lung cancer. She does not know where she is all the time. She can't express her needs or hold a conversion some days. She can not cook for her self. She has a great deal of difficulty in dressing her self. She can not go to the bathroom with out the aid of someone else. She can not clean her self. She does not understand money any more.

I am disabled and can not physically deal with the demands of her condition. If you have your way I will be alone in caring for her when I can't do the job. I moved into her building to take care of her and have had social services mess with me about the extra few bucks of rent I am getting. Not to mention that my taking care of her until I could no longer do it saved you thousands of dollars. I have been in a great deal of pain for almost a year every waking moment because I had the loving capacity to suck up the pain and be here for my Mother. I hid the tears from her so she did not feel bad I was in pain. There is no amount of money that would be enough to make me suffer the way I have. Yet I am messed with and when I send in a letter asking why things are being done outside of policy and regulation, I am ignored. Not to mention that that is an action that is against policy and/or the law.

You Mr. Brad Wall and your ilk have made this province a place not to come to. Not only for health care (or the lack there of) but for the lack of rent controls that the majority of the country has. There are people in growing numbers that are afraid to speak up, that see this as an attack on the poor by your government.

What have you done for the poor? What have you done for the third world conditions on the reserves in our province? What have you done to help the old and the sick and the vulnerable? What have you done for failing infrastructure? What have you done for the small farmers who are on the edge of losing it all? What have you done for the mentally ill? What have you done to stop children from being bullied until the end their lives or get violent? What have you done for the GBLTQ community? What have you done for immigrants who settle here? I will tell you, very little other than some speeches and token amounts of money tossed to failed programs.

You have not just failed me and my dying Mother, you have failed many. The sad thing is if this was to cross your desk it would be tossed away like the people who need your help. With a rapidly aging population, to sit on your butt and hold the line on taxes will end up in tragedy for many. I pray to God that you will see the light and do something not only for my Mother but for the many people who need the help and are not getting it.

Thank you for your time and God bless Saskatchewan.
David S. Nicholson.
Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan.
mjart66@gmail.com

Some Poems

Memory
David S. Nicholson Jan 21, 2012

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday and days before that too.
I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.
All I have are memories and a picture in a frame.
Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part.
God has you in his arms.
I have you in my heart.

------

That Place I Dare Not Go.
David S. Nicholson - November 27, 2011

Take me to that place I dare not go.
Take me to hell and raise me to heaven.
Blood dripping and leather stinging you talk to me so deeply.
In the hands of a mad woman or in the hands of a blessed angle?
I will submit to you and I will follow the dark light of my heart.
Take me to that place I dare not go.
Sin is only a word when you’re in my arms.
Tainted with the violence of your strong mind I run from what I must not turn from.
You are evil and you have shown me my soul turned inside out.
Yet I would give so much on a day like this to let you in.
There is however a calling in the depths of dark passion.
There is a feeling of a hand that leads me from you.
I must follow him and I must submit my will and my life.
You have no more power on me than a passing thought.
I am his and she is no more.

------

There Are No Words
David S. Nicholson - Jan 12 2012

Saw Mom today. There are no words to describe how I feel.
There is no reference point I can go from.
The shock of seeing her in such a mental state is almost more than I can take.
I am shaking and want to scream. I am truly in sock.
She is so delusional and so confused.
She tells me things happened to her I know can not have happened.
I want to scream, "GOD HOW COULD YOU ALLOW THIS"?
My world is crushed and all I knew has changed.
What can I say? There are no words...

------

When You Pass
David S. Nicholson - Jan 19 2012

You may have more money than anyone else. You may have the admiration of millions of people. You may be able to get what you want with a word; anything you want is yours. But in those last few moments, you have nothing and you are alone. You pass and nothing comes with you. You pass and you become nothingness.

You have nothing but your faith. More people hate you than will talk to you. You don’t know where your next meal is. You are cold in the night. But in those last few moments, you have everything and you are not alone. You pass and you see the glory of eternal peace. You pass and are with those gone before you and you know his glory.

Canadian Health Care Failed My Mother

She will be ignored and so will I. People who complain about how unfair things are around here are passed off as "radicals" or "reactionary". In Quebec people 65 and over don't pay for ambulance here they pay $250 to go 4 blocks in one. Even in the US people who qualify get free home care, here you pay for it. Low income and no savings don't seem to matter, the bills roll in as she dies and the government of Saskatchewan does not care. I am far from able to take proper care of her as I am disabled myself. This may just end up with me in the hospital and her with no one to take care of her at all. Then what happens? She falls or needs help and she gets another bill she can't afford to pay. In the end if there is enough money left over for her to pay her life insurance at least there will be money to bury her. But at the rate things are going there will be nothing left at all. Then what? Another unmarked grave for someone who gave a lifetime to this province and to many people. There is no compassion and there is a strong movement by our current government to switch to for profit health care. This is a woman with stage 4 lung cancer who can hardly stand up on her own. She can't afford more time in the so called care home and have a place to live when there is no money left to give them. So it's off home for her long before it's reasonable to send her home. I will do what I can until I am unable to do any more. I will die rather than let her suffer alone. If it puts me in the hospital so be it. If it kills me so be it. If I am in unimaginable pain the entire time, I will do my best to hide it from her and do what I can. I am one person and I am alone in caring for my dyeing Mother. It is OK to me that I will end up in an unmarked grave, as there will be no one to grieve for me. It is not OK to me that she has that fate and nor should it be OK in your mind. If you read this and have the least bit of compassion in your heart share this with who ever you can.

Pray for us, we need it.

Peace - Dave S. Nicholson
Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada.

pain in my soul

I have a pain in my soul.
I can't make it stop.
It grows stronger every day.
I see people so happy and I think of her so sad.
I see people running about and think of her in bed.
How cruel life can be.
How scaring it can be.
Oh God make me strong.

In Time

In Time
David S. Nicholson Jan 19, 2012

The years roll on and the folly and joy of youth are exchanged with the experience and pain of age. Those we loved and knew drift away or pass on. We find new friends and new ways to love, laugh and cry. A lifetime of hope, dreams and fears end with a time of great pain and the long dark night. In a lifetime after ours no one will know who you are, even if they heard or read about you. All of what you have is lost to the four winds. All the memories you treasured are gone forever. There is new life and it is just as yours was, a glimpse at a vast picture. In many life times nothing of your world will remain. In time not even mankind will exist. In time there are no more memories to be had.